Saturday, July 31, 2004
One person I wouldn't want to spend a lifetime not knowing?
My mom. :)
2:29 PM
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Prior to this entry is a song I wrote.
With thanks going to kim's encouragement,
I managed to complete it last night. :)
Let me in on your comments on the song in my guestbook, yes?
My guestbook seems rather dead anyway.
Thanks folks!
Anyway, played soccer during PE today.
Although it was a blend of both guys and girls,
obviously the guys were hogging the ball most of the time.
My shoes were completely soaked in wet grass and mud after the game.
Messily Neat. :D
Had Basketball practice for National's Day InterClass after school.
Thankfully 8 out of 9 players showed up.
Still a virgin of being Captain and controlling of everything,
but I'm glad that they didn't give me a hard time during practice. :)
Willie and Edmund joined in the game after I went through basics.
Edmund was such a twirp, proclaiming his humbleness,
yet HE was the idiot who caused a blister to form on my toes.
But I've gotta admit, quite an impressive player he is.
That ass. =x hehe.
Cindy was another humblepie. -__-
Ohwell, I'm just glad she's on the team with me. :)
I do not know the reason why you looked over,
but I hope the reason is me.
6:56 PM
Life could never be more forlorn than this.
Spending each day in dribs and drabs of reminisce.
Obscuring my vision with ashen grey mist,
I'm confined in barricades I never thought exist.
And I'm nothing more but an empty space
Searching for heaven's unreachable solace.
I need liberation from this place.
Quiescence permeates through my confinement,
asphyxiating me with relentless discernment.
Leaving me barren and naked in animosity.
Now I know,
Life just played a silly joke on me.
Looking in the mirror putting on my deception.
Grappling with the shackles of my apprehension.
Everyday a new smile on my apathetic face,
As I walk on thorns and barbs through my facade.
And I'm nothing more but an empty space
Seeking for heaven's unreachable solace.
I need liberation from this place.
Quiescence permeates through my confinement,
asphyxiating me with relentless discernment.
Leaving me barren and naked in animosity.
Now I know,
Life just played a silly joke on me.
Fantasies smashed into smithereens.
Nothing left for me to hold nor see.
Importunate accretion of my misery.
Surviving for someone to set me free.
Quiescence permeates through my confinement,
asphyxiating me with relentless discernment.
Leaving me barren and naked in animosity.
Now I know,
Life just played a silly joke on me.
12:00 AM
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Every now and then we find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found
I know you can't stay
But part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
For ever more a part of me you're everywhere
I'll always care
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side in all you do
And I won't ever leave as long as you believe
You just believe...
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
And if you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
This song makes me cry. :(
10:40 PM
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Life's getting more hectic by the hour.
And yet, I still am too lackadaisical to do anything.
Am just left alone to rot.
12:17 AM
To :
The one person I never feel weird conversing with.
The one person my secrets are always divulged to.
The one person I know I can rely on.
The one person I'll never feel bored with.
The one person who gave me wonderful reminiscences.
The one person I will always remember.
The one person whom I truly love..
Forever and For Always. (:
Have a Blessed Birthday, Cheryl.
12:02 AM
Saturday, July 24, 2004
wow, it seems it has been some time since I've blogged.
There's nothing much to update on anyway.
Other than the constant bitching in school,
my engrossment in books, my procrastination of work,
the desolation I'm grappling with...
well, that's about it.
I'm missing a number of people right now..
I miss talking to Raudhah, the best tutor I had.
I miss elin and all her inimitable actions.
I miss spending time with yanyu.
I miss going out with xinying and merser.
I miss my ex-stnicks friends.
I miss my ex-chs friends.
I miss the people I used to be close to in St Margs..
Sigh. This is a silly entry, aint it?
Now it's up to that idiot to make me smile.
He had better write a good testimonial for me.
11:58 PM
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
I hate the people who make me cry.
yet they are the ones I know I love.
7:16 PM
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Things that I earnestly want to say..
If you are not interested in conversing with me,
have some fortitude and tell me, wimp.
Don't shoot me excuses.
Come straight to the point.
I don't wanna waste my effort, in case you do not know.
Sheesh.
Digressing now..
I understand why you do not acknowledge me in front of others.
I also understand why you feel uncomfortable to be seen around me.
What I do not get is,
does image matter more to you, than I do?
Honestly, your actions does hurt others, especially me.
It makes me seem as though I'm a walking embarrassment.
And it hurts everytime I think about it.
You know, I've never felt so lonely before.
It's as though I'm desperate.
Now, all I'm seeking is serenity in diversions.
Never mind, Andrea said she'll let me bother her.
heheheh. I'm gonna have a good time.
I'm so grateful for her.
You have no idea how much, folks. :)
10:37 PM
Why do horrid days follow after enjoyable ones?
I started the day being censured by my bro for bringing him out.
Why? Cos he squandered away too much cash.
This is what I receive for my good intentions. ugh.
AND I hate disparages at me early in the morning.
Sometimes your words can get blatantly unbearable.
But of course, ignorance conceals it all.
Thankfully, church revives a little mirth for awhile.
Night travelled alongside with despondency.
I hate drunkards. I hate most Dads.
I abhor my drunkard father.
I sat outside my home for the first time tonight.
It felt great to have the wind blowing at you.
As if it is taking away your anguish with it.
yeah right.
10:10 PM
I need a hug.
Especially a hug from Him..
9:54 PM
woah, blogger has updated itself pretty well.
I must say I'm impressed. :)
Today's events..
- Biology mock exam. :
- Borrowed another book by Catherine Anderson.
(I think I'm starting to like her prose.)
- Played arcade with bro, Andrea and Cheryl. ffunnn!!
- Watched King Arthur with Andrea, Carmen, Cheryl, Sean, Bro and I.
Initially regretted bringing him out, but it turned out to be
rather enjoyable with him around :)
- Found out that Jarrell is more than a truckload full of shitte.
- Nat and Cher joined us for awhile at Sakae.
- Carm, Cheryl, Bro and I bowled 2 games at Cine.
(you cannot imagine how embarrassing we were. lol.)
- Saw the perfect10 crew.
Fun Fun Fun.
Haven't had that much merriment in a long while.
Especially when I do not have to think of you that much.
Truthfully, I like bringing my brother out.
He adds on to the gaiety. :)
12:15 AM
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Candidly, just having to be able to converse with you
is one of the simplest things that I relish in.
Although its for a sheer 10mins or so everytime,
it etches a smile onto my apathetic face.
I know you are rather impervious by it though,
since you've been leaving soon after our conversation commenced.
Ohwell.
Still, I thank you for inadvertently making me smile. :)
10:39 PM
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Honestly,
there's a part of me that does not want to talk to you that often.
If only I could effortlessly shrug off my reliance.
To have you thinking I cling on too much is what I loathe,
and what I do not wish for you to miscomprehend.
Yet I can't place my trust in others so readily
like the way I shove every secret of mine to you.
Reticent and withdrawn I may be at times,
but there's still a need to release my innermost suppressions.
And almost all of the time, I'd turn to you.
Now that the circumstances have took a change,
I hold knowledge that I shouldn't be prolonging this,
but I still can't find another soulmate whom
I feel comfortable divulging my bona fide self.
I need to get out of this..
10:34 PM
"gotta go now, before i suffer from myopia."
"can see the big screen, and sometimes a couple of asses."
Sentences that does not even mean nuts.
Yet somehow, they incredulously makes me smile.
:))))
9:15 PM
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Almost everyone has started studying for Os,
leaving me unquestionably and naturally apprehensive.
I know that I'm procrastinating way over,
yet my indolence is overpowering any form of assiduousness.
I do not want to be weeping like a fool next year,
but at the rate that I'm "working",
it is probably where I'll be landing my foot on.
sigh.
Okay, enough about the 'sad' stuff.
My hunnie said that my blog sounds awfully sad.
Does it? :|
Anyway, I'm a happy girl at the moment.
Cause I'm tapering the distance that dawn and I've drifted
since like what seems to be forever.
Well, she just sends euphoria chilling in my bones.
She's special, and she knows that. :)
Your gaze upon me, what does it mean?
I wanna know what's going through your mind.
10:45 PM
Monday, July 12, 2004
There's not much reason for me to come online now.
Since my Hotmail's down, as well as Friendster. :|
I do not frequent Friendster until recently
and it just had to backfire.
GREAT.
Well, had a class photo-taking session today.
and my hair was in a repulsive and hideous state!!!
S I G H.
and for the first time on a Monday,
I actually worked throughout my 90mins free period.
Praise God.
this is silly.
looked away even though I didn't want to.
will there be a second chance?
9:50 PM
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Just can't wait forever
I knew that you were mine, when I saw you
Though there's no way of me knowing you deeper
You don't even know I exist
I never want to make things harder
No, I never wanted anything more
But what does it take to get you just to love me
You don't even know me at all
But it's true
Whatever I do, I mustn't give myself away
Even though, I know I could lose a chance with you
All I know
That you understand the things that, I couldn't say
And forever now, I feel you know me too
Been wanting to know you better
But, my words don't even come out right
Now my head, just keeps on spinning around me
Can you fill the void inside
But it's true
Whatever I do, I mustn't give myself away
Even though, I know I could lose a chance with you
All I know
That you understand the things that, I couldn't say
And forever now, I feel you know me too
10:16 AM
I used to be too trusting,
divulging my secrets to almost anyone.
But I realised not one really cares about what you're going through.
They probably wanted to hear smth interesting,
or a spicy topic that they could natter about.
They would not want to bother much..
So from now onwards,
I'm just closing in..
It's a lonely paradise.
8:01 AM
Saturday, July 10, 2004
So here we are, back to square one again.
And candidly, I had foreseen it.
Mom is right.
Her words made up to one of the most enlightening
advices that I've ever heard.
An advice that directly struck a chord in me.
Although you made me cry,
Thank you, Mom.
Change is inevitable in our naive cabaret of life.
As the people around us gradually mature into
someone with different priorities and frame of mind,
however we try not to confront that callous reality,
we can only approach a different attitude and acclimatize to it.
Mom further said it is indubitable that it would hurt,
especially when its her hand I've been holding all along,
but sometimes its better to let go and liberate myself for awhile.
She obviously doesn't own identical feelings as I do,
nor do we have similar expectations of each other.
Plus, we have changed, and so did her precedences,
and maybe inadvertently, mine as well.
Never thought we would arrive here.
1:12 PM
Friday, July 09, 2004
I've just executed an embarrassing demeanour.
The most awkward one this year probably.
Regrets are futile now.
Someone please save me..
I've
never felt so ludicrous before. :(
12:47 AM
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Last year, same date.
I felt the same way I did today.
A tremendous sensation of elation surging through me.
Not because of what you did for me,
but what I did for you.
Just seeing that smile beam on your face,
somehow or another, makes what I did worthwhile.
Because your happiness has always mattered to me.
Hope today would be etched in your mind perenially,
and the insignificant gift would have a bearing somehow too.
Blessed 16th Birthday, Emily.
I love you.
9:07 PM
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
It's times like these that makes me feel
exceptionally lonely despite the crowd..
I want to, yet I don't.
4:34 PM
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
One step closer, one step further.
The more I want to forget, impossibility escalates.
The more I want, further it wafts away.
The more I need, obscure is what it becomes.
The more I love you, the more I seem to hate.
10:27 PM
My Chinese Oral stunk terribly.
So did my listening comprehension.
Looks like an A1 is too far-fetched now.
a C grade is more within attainability I guess.
Sigh. :|
And don't you just resent dreams that kindles and incites
unsolicited thoughts and thirst within yourself?
I dreamt of a superb but impractical one earlier.
It sent euphoria incessantly like raging bullets through me,
but transformed into soreness when light entered my eyes.
If only I could relish in that dream much longer..
Knowing that dreams will never come true,
is one of the most cutting cruelty of reality.
I know this shouldn't continue..
I feel preposterously silly :|
9:06 PM
Sunday, July 04, 2004
"one of you has got to get used to the fact that you two
are not as close as you were before."
I guess..
11:27 PM
Ultimate irritator : My brother.
I really don't understand how he has the power
to exasperate me, even through non-verbal communication.
WHY...
10:50 PM
I have it up to here with this.
I don't wanna go out with you anymore.
At least not for now.
9:16 PM
I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and
glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole
was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I'd rather
remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the
broken places as long as I lived.
9:10 PM
I'm on the horns of a dilemma again.
Correction, many dilemmas. :|
Was shocked to hear what arrived at my ears last night.
Actually, more indistinguishable feelings were triggered.
For the first time, tears were almost formed because
I felt so powerless regarding an issue that doesn't concern much of me.
I just do not wish to witness what I've envisaged in my mind.
I hate it when my beloveds hurt.
Yesterday was an awfully long day.
Was taciturn most of the time, except when I met yanyu.
You can't imagine how elated I was when I saw her.
I immediately poured out my deepest secret to her then.
(Do i trust people to easily?)
I just missed her SO much.
Can't wait for Sunday. :)
Impossibility should be forgotten.
Right? sigh.
I hate you for inadvertently doing this to me.
11:30 AM
Friday, July 02, 2004
No school for belle today.
and I'm grounded. GRREATT.
I detest incarceration, especially at home.
But maybe it might just impel me to study,
which is what I'm supposed to be doing currently.
I wonder who's gonna save me from my seclusion now.
Didnt attend school for two imprudent reasons.
1. Work assigned was not completed.
2. The most ludicrous reason of all, which I shall not say.
I feel mortified enough that I didn't attend school for
that.
Sigh.
I hate it when our eyes meet.
I had a fansupertastic dream though.
I relished in every moment of it and hope it wouldn't dissipate
into the aura when my eyes should divulge reality.
It's like the paradigm of perfect when you're with me.
But I know what's lost, can barely be salvaged. :|
I wish though, I'm still wishing..
"just a fool's hope."
Indeed, I couldn't agree more.
1:52 PM
